FURTHERMORE CHOOSES BETWEEN A BUSH AND A TREE…
It was a flashback of the worse possible kind.
There was Furthermore sailing
about the upper reaches of the great cavern below my home trailing a banner
admonishing me to VOTE!!! Smaller banners and signs decorated the rack, the
iron maiden and the charred stake in the center of the room.
It was very unsettling. Especially since I thought we were through with the
voting thing for another four years or so. Even the hydra was stunned.
Well, in all honesty, it could have been the small thermonuclear device I
had dropped in its supper bowl. That would stun you almost as bad as an
election flashback, I suppose.
I slipped in just as the small mushroom cloud was clearing over the moat.
Furthermore emerged from it, trailing his banner.
“I’ll vote, you feather-headed twit!” I yelled at him. “I vote you off the
planet! We’ve finished with elections! Go away!”
The old bird settled down in front of me on the bar.
“My! Out of sorts, aren’t we today?” He had that awful smug look that
usually precedes me getting shown up in some spectacular way. Even the
hydra was waiting in semi-stunned anticipation.
“Besides,” he continued, “It’s not that election. Who cares about voting
for a Bush when you can vote for a tree?”
Okay. This is the point where I lose complete control of the conversation.
You usually recognize this spot before I do. And, true to form, I missed it
“What are you babbling about, bird?”
The correct response would have been to leave the room quietly before
someone got hurt.
The bird just grinned and proceeded to unroll a poster with his beak.
It was from the National Arbor Day Foundation in Nebraska and in big, bold
Nebraska-sized letters, it admonished me to VOTE FOR AMERICA’S NATIONAL
Well. Here’s a tough call. I mean, I like the great Oak trees, but I think
the Redwoods are pretty spectacular, too, although I've always felt they
were big conservatives. I’m sweet on Maples, too, but they're reported to
be liberals. Of course, if you’re from Nebraska, the Cottonwood tree has a
special place in your heart. I’m also fond of Aspen trees, Pine trees, shoe
trees, family trees and menage a trees.
Of course, for Furthermore, who spends a great deal of time hanging about
in trees, this is a big deal. Why, he argues, shouldn’t we have a National
Tree? We have national flowers, birds (a source of disgust to Furthermore.
The eagle. Really!), flags, anthems, rocks and bolo ties. Why not a tree?
Well, why knot?
Anyway, we want you to help. As weird as it sounds, this is not a joke.
Remember, however, it comes from Nebraska. So do I. Wanna make something of
I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to bark at you. We have deep roots in Nebraska.
You really can go out on a limb and vote for your favorite tree and you can
do it without harming a tree. No hanging chads here, thank you very much. Go
to www.arborday.org and vote. This is the web site for the National Arbor
Day Foundation. You can vote there through April 26. There are 21 trees on
the ballot. The winner will be announced on April 27, which is,
coincidentally, Arbor Day.
Furthermore’s choice? Why, he thought you’d never ask. He’s voting for
the Gallows tree. Actually, I think he’s just kidding. He has a soft spot
in his heart for the Oak. Anyway, it’s a relief not to be voting for a
bush, you know?