THE CHRONICLES GO FOR THE TRACTION
Brother Furthermore, my geographically challenged pet raven brother, knows next to nothing about Nebraska. Come to think of it, YOU probably know next to nothing about Nebraska. I, on the other hand, having been born and raised in the Cornhusker State, know just about everything there is to know (and some things that wonít be known for years to come) about Nebraska. I know. Thank you. Itís hard to be humble when youíre from Nebraska.
But thatís not really what I wanted to talk about. I want to talk about farm machinery. Heavy farm machinery.
Growing up in Nebraska, even if you didnít grow up on a farm, you automatically were gifted with certain knowledge. Some was genetic, other knowledge came by osmosis. You grew up knowing about tractors and combines and the hog reports and what ďknee high by the Fourth of JulyĒ meant and what sorghum was and neat stuff like that. You never know when youíre going to need to know the best binder twine for your Rotobaler, you know?
Let me digress a moment. My younger sister, Barb, lives in Cheyenne, Wyoming. You didnít know I had a sister, did you? Thought the folks were smart enough to give up after the first son, didnít you? A lot you know. Anyway, I donít talk about her in this column very much because sheís a lawyeróa prosecuting attorney, at thatóand you just know how they love to get even.
So, lately, Barbís been snowed in. Really DEEP snowed in. A friend finally plowed her out. The friend had a great, big, honking John Deere tractor. Thatís what Iím talking about! The real deal. Big. Mean. Green. Nothing runs like a Deere! Not one of those little sidewalk sweepers, but the real thing. You know. Twenty feet tall with wheels that blot out the sun! Yeh!
Barb needs a John Deere tractor. Iím thinking the Model 9520 T Track Tractor, 450 horsepower, 18-speed Powershift transmission, a hydraulic system that delivers 44 gpm! And that sells for a recommended base price of just slightly more than $231,000!
Thatís the sort of tractor that an angry tobacco farmer recently drove to Washington, D.C., and parked in the Reflecting Pool on the Mall to make a point about reduced tobacco subsidies. Of course, his point was muted when it was reported he had received $350,000 in subsidies in the last five years or so.
Which, of course, is the only way he could afford that great big honking John Deere sitting there in the middle of the Reflecting Pool!
Anyway, the bottomline is this: Brother Furthermore and I want a John Deere. The big one. Itís macho! Itís green! Itís mean and we want one. At least one. We donít have snow to plow here in Phoenix and we donít much care about the tobacco subsidy, but, hey, just driving to work with our big shiny steel snow blade down in rush hour would be worth it!
See the sort of neat stuff you pick up by being a native of Nebraska? Eat your hearts out.