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The Chronicles of Furthermore, the Masonic Raven
Written by Skip Boyer



WE FIND THE WORLD’S WORST JOB

Brother Furthermore, my perpetually unemployed pet raven brother, and I are in heavy debate concerning the World’s Worst Job. The bird’s position is that any thing requiring work, loosely defined as moving something from one place to another and involving heavy lifting, is bad. Therefore, by his twisted logic, almost any job qualifies as the World’s Worst Job.

I argued that we needed to be more specific. He asked how I would know, pointing out that I haven’t done any real work since I stopped mowing my own lawn. He can be such a cynic, you know? Apparently, the moving about of heavy ideas, nouns and verbs doesn’t count.

For a while, we considered jobs with a high degree of risk: firefighting, explosives expert, and the like. Then we decided that just because it was risky didn’t necessarily mean it was a bad job. I mean, people get killed doing stuff they like all the time. So the risk factor was out.

We also considered the Cleanliness Factor. I thought we were getting close on this one. The brother who cleans up after the elephants at the Shrine Circus had got to be wishing he’d joined Rotary or something.

We thought about the Location Factor or the Environmental Factor. It didn’t seem like enough. Just because your place of employment sucks and the environment is toxic doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a lousy job, just a lousy location. You can always move on.

Then there’s the Boss Factor. And again, just because your boss sucks and creates an environment that is toxic doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a lousy job, just a cretin for a boss. That can (and probably will) change when they get promoted for being a cretin.

After the third martini, we were struggling with how to define the World’s Worst Job. In a fit of imagination, we opened the local newspaper, the Arizona Daily Movement. You guessed it! There it was, right there for everyone to see and appreciate! The World’s Worst Job!

In the Flagstaff, Arizona, area, they have a problem. They also have a lot of college students, but that’s another problem all together. Flagstaff is a beautiful mountain-resort area with wild animals. Specifically, they have wild skunks. Some of these wild skunks have rabies and are in dire need of inoculation.

So there is now a team of health specialists working hard in northern Arizona to catch and inoculate the wild skunks. Try as hard as they might (and they do), they are not always successful.

In other words, sometimes the skunks win! They do the inoculating! That has just got to be the World’s Worst Job and we salute those dedicated individuals. From a distance, of course. Hang in there, Brothers.




BACK TO THE HOME PAGE?

To all Lodge Trestle Board editors: Feel free to use any of the tales of Furthermore. Should you choose to do so, however, we deny any responsibility for actions by your own lodge. If, after the first couple of columns, the brethren appear restless and begin to surge toward you as you enter the lodge room, we suggest you flee and deny any connection with Furthermore.






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