THE RETURN OF THE BIRD, A BIT OF CORN...
Brother Furthermore, my perpetually challenged Masonic pet raven brother, did not grow up in Nebraska. Hence, he will not be party to this discussion, since he can't appreciate the finer points about to be made with clarity and wit.
I, however, did grow up in Nebraska. Hence, I know there are two things sacred to all Nebraska natives. The first you have already guessed, of course. That would be the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers football team. They are Nebraska's only professional team and we dote on them.
The second Sacred Thing in Nebraska may not be quite so obvious, hence this explanation. It is Corn. Yes, we do grow other things in Nebraska, such as Alfalfa, soybeans, wheat, beef and the three Boyer siblings. And while we could make a good case for the sanctity of each, especially the Sibs, it is Corn that is at the top of the heap, so to speak.
A recent edition of USAToday, source of all wisdom and news outside of CNN, notes that the average acre of farmland in the U.S. today is worth $1,720. In Nebraska, when you plant it in Corn, especially the higher yield variety that is advertised every week on Husker Radio broadcasts during the football game, the value is much, much higher.
With this as valuable background, perhaps you can appreciate our outrage at the sacrilege being perpetrated against corn in several non-Nebraska parts of the country.
People are cutting down perfectly good stalks of Corn to create mazes in the cornfields.
It stuns us, too.
In a 12-acre field in Autauga County, Alabama (which may explain the whole thing) Ted Johnson has cut a maze shaped like the continental United States. It's in USAToday, so, again, it must so.
Johnson says, "I wanted to make something where the children and adults, too, could learn something."
Okay. Just what? How to mess up 12 acres of perfectly good corn?
Well, we hardly know what else to say!
We are thinking that these people clearly didn't grow up in Nebraska. They do not appreciate the true value of Corn. And the fact that they are using GPS satellites to outline images in Corn so that they can DESTROY it just boggles our imagination!
We have a suggestion. Leave the Corn alone. This is a warning! If you must cut mazes in something, go after the state legislature or even the state of California. (Better hurry on that one. No one is sure how much longer California will be a state, you know?) The legislature would be good. They could use some pruning. Or better yet, forget the whole thing. Take the money you spent on the 12 acres, the sharp knives, the GPS rental, the seed, and go to Target. Use it to buy a clue or get a life or something. Surely, you've got something better to do than cut pathways in a cornfield! !!
Thanks. We needed that.
Next week, we'll take up the battle for soybeans. Be there.