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The Adventures of Furthermore, the Masonic Raven
Written by Skip Boyer



FURTHERMORE IS NORMAL FOR HIS AGE

We want to talk about being normal, Brothers.

Brother Furthermore, my abnormally challenged pet raven brother, and I have some real concerns about what the word "normal" really means. (Especially after some recent lodge meetings!)

Let's begin with our right to discuss this topic in an authoritative fashion. Brother Furthermore and I are two of the most normal people/birds/brothers that we know. Everything we do makes sense to us. Well, almost. That time Brother Furthermore came home with an entire sorority was a bit of a surprise. But, still, most of what we do makes sense to us.

See, that's what we don't understand. Another Brother recently said he thought I was one of the most eccentric people he'd ever met. I discussed this later that night over martinis with Brother Furthermore in the great cavern below my north valley home after lodge.

"He clearly is on drugs or something," observed Brother Furthermore. "Find out what they are. Sounds like primo stuff!" See? A perfectly logical response from a couple of normal beings.

Anyway, we've been working on a definition of "normal" that seems to cover every possibility and we think we just about have it. This is thanks in no small measure to the local weather twits. You know the ones. They report the weather each night on local television. They have their own professional group: The Weather Institute of The Southwest. TWITS. Weather twits.

If you have watched any of them lately, you already know that the weather is not normal. Yesterday was 104 degrees. Today will be 104 degrees or better. The normal temperature, the twits told us yesterday was 94 and will be 94 again today. We are ten degrees above normal.

Except that last year on this day is was 104. And the year before was 108. And the year before than was 105. You get the picture. It's almost NEVER been 94 on this date in September in history. So, you ask, how does 94 get to be the normal temperature? We ask the same question. How does that happen?

Well, using the weather model so generously supplied by the twits at channels 3, 5, 10, 12 and 15, we come to this conclusion: Normal is anything that is at least ten degrees off what you think it should be or you wish it was.

Using this definition, we've come to the conclusion that Brother Furthermore and I are so supremely normal that we should serve as role models for an entire generation or at least Grand Lodge. Yes!

So if you think the weather is too hot, don't worry about it. Around here, that's just normal. Like a lot of other things.




BACK TO THE HOME PAGE?

To all Lodge Trestle Board editors: Feel free to use any of the tales of Furthermore. Should you choose to do so, however, we deny any responsibility for actions by your own lodge. If, after the first couple of columns, the brethren appear restless and begin to surge toward you as you enter the lodge room, we suggest you flee and deny any connection with Furthermore.






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